The Rise of Skywalker: Franchise Improv

There was a baby sitting in front of me in the theater for the 8:00 PM screening of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. I thought, wow, that baby must have a killer over-13 fake ID. Nevertheless, the couple brought the child into the theater, and he cried very loudly and sporadically every 10-15 minutes. As a result, I was in a very foul mood for a lot of the movie but I cannot figure out if it was because I was annoyed by the cries or because I identified with the baby.

This new trilogy that Disney gave us was like improv comedy: pretend that the three movies of the new trilogy are 3 different people doing an improv sketch. The first person (The Force Awakens) has to start with something they know, but changes it a bit to have a fresh take and something that everyone else could easily play off of. The second person (The Last Jedi) clearly had their own ideas for this improv sketch and they were not about to let the first person get in the way of that vision. So, they just do their own thing and take the story in the opposite direction. The third person (The Rise of Skywalker) realizes that the audience is now confused and tries to go back to the original tone of the first person. Now the audience is even more confused. Which is it, Disney?

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FIRST, some things that I actually liked:

1. The dynamic between Poe and Zorii Bliss, his former smuggling partner and potential ex-girlfriend. Their chemistry was somehow better than any of the main character's to me, and I found myself caring more about a character who didn't reveal her face or stay in the movie for more than 10 minutes.

2. The battles and fight scenes were pretty awesome. The special effects team brought their A game to this movie. The movie was clearly Disney putting their infinite budget on display.

3. Rey's yellow lightsaber at the end. I like that. It looked cool and different. They should have given her a yellow lightsaber earlier.

4. Kylo Ren's story arc was the only arc that worked for me and had consistency. Who would have thought that the whiny son of Han Solo from The Force Awakens would end up as the most dynamic character? Not me, and definitely not the writers of these movies.

Introducing: The things I did not like:

1) The Rise of Skywalker was a movie that looked like every decision made was the result of a focus group of people ages 6 through 65. It's as if Disney gave the creative control to its marketing team.

2) The movie is so unevenly paced, especially in the first hour. I felt like the writers forgot to take their ADHD medicine when writing the screenplay. We'd be with a group of characters without much introduction to who they are or why they know each other, on a planet, explaining their plans. Then, after a quick 30-60 seconds of those people, here's some other people, on another planet, talking about other plans. Now, after another 60 seconds let's check back on the previous group...wait...what are they doing again?

3) Okay, why the hell is Emperor Palpatine the main villain? What's worse is that he was apparently the main villain the entire time! Quick thinking Disney, covering up your poor attempts at creating a good villain so you bring the villain from the original trilogy back to life and say it was him the whole time. Seriously though, how hard is it to create an original villain in the Star Wars universe? You have thousands of possibilities to work with and half of them are written for you by the nerds of the internet (like me). The most evil person in the galaxy gets reintroduced into the franchise by broadcasting to the galaxy that he's alive? Palpy, Buby, way to blow the element of surprise.

4) Speak of the devil, Rey is Palpatine's granddaughter? WHY? Does every main character have to be related to someone from the original trilogy? One of the things I liked about The Last Jedi was that they said Rey's parents were nobody important and she was just special on her own. That had a cool message that anyone can be a jedi. NOPE. Not when the galaxy's equivalent to old man Withers is your grandpappy. The worst part about that though, other than the fact that Disney did nothing to set that reveal up at all, is the implication that Palpatine had a child, which means somebody slept with Palpatine. It keeps me up at night.

5) They "killed" Chewbacca for a second there, but almost 3 minutes later, they bring him back like they had just fooled us. It was like a magician told me, "Are you missing something in your back pocket?" So I'm like, "Oh am I? I didn't feel any..." BOOM! "I TOOK YOUR WALLET A SECOND AGO, AND HERE IT IS HAHA YOU'VE FALLEN FOR THE CLASSIC BLUNDER." And I'm like, "Oh yeah look at that, my wallet."

6) Finn is the definition of a missed opportunity. He was introduced in The Force Awakens as a conflicted stormtrooper who defects and joins the resistance. You could have done so many cool things with that. Instead, they send him on a pointless casino mission in the second movie and for this movie, have him tag along and yell "REY!" every now and then. They didn't dive into his backstory much at all, they make it obvious that he loves Rey but doesn't do anything with it across three whole movies, and they give him no character arc. The only arc he had was defecting to a good guy in the first movie and the rest of the trilogy he becomes one-half of a comedic-relief bromance with Poe.

7) That kiss. That...awkward...cringe...kiss. Disney just could't help themselves could they? When Kylo brings Rey back to life with the force (which was done too much for me to take anyone dying seriously), she looks into the eyes of the guy who she had a couple of force skype calls with and also tried to kill her...and kissed him. AND THEN HE DIES! Just throws his head back and disappears. I was expecting him to whisper, "Et tu Brute?" or "Hail Hydra."

Come on Rey, you had Finn there all along and you friend-zoned him. What's worse, you fell for the guy who tried to kill you multiple times. It's like Dawson's Creek in space.

Was I too hard on this movie?

Probably.

Like I could do any better. I just expected too much out of Disney when they took over the franchise. A franchise that means a lot to me, since it was one of the biggest parts of my childhood. I loved the franchise and I love movies, so naturally I set expectations high. But when I see shows like The Mandalorian and see movies like Rogue One, I realize that Disney is capable of doing good things with the franchise. They are capable, right up until the bottom line comes into play. Expand the franchise to every corner of the globe, worry about quality later.

I'm starting to feel like Harrison Ford.